Thinking about music with Brian Eno

Brian Eno was born in the village of Woodbridge, Suffolk, on May 15, 1948 and educated by nuns and Brothers of the De La Salle order until he was 16 - at which point he enrolled for a two-year course at Ipswich Art School.

"I went to art school because I didn't want to do a conventional job. I saw a job as a trap and something to avoid. In fact, that's a characteristic of my life: making moves not so much towards things as away from them, avoiding them."

Although young Brian knew he didn't want to be ordinary, his conceptions were, at that point quite as ordinary as those of his fellow students. He was in need of a shake-up.

"By a stroke of luck I happened to go to a very good school. Ipswich was run by a guy called Roy Ascot - a very brilliant educationalist, I think - and what he and his staff were concerned with was not the teaching of technique so much as experimenting with notions of what constitutes creative behaviour.

"So, instead of sitting there doing little paintings, we found ourselves being required to get involved in discussions and self-investigation projects. Like, the first thing we had to do was a 'mind-map', which was constructing a series of tests to find out what sort of behaviour we exhibited in different situations, from which it was decided what sort of character type we each were .

"Having established that, we had to behave in a way diametrically opposed to our normal selves, ie., if you were naturally extrovert, you had to be introvert; if you were a born leader, you had to be a follower, etc."

Which were you?

"I had to become a follower. I had to execute everyone else's ideas, not make a fuss, not try to dominate the proceedings.

"Some people really pushed it. One girl was very perky and exuberant and the only way she could get herself to calm down was to tie her legs to her chair. Another girl, called Lily, was very nervous - she made herself learn how to walk the tight-rope.

"I sat on this porter's trolley all day. If anyone wanted me to do anything, they had to wheel me to where I was required.

"All of this was very exciting and disorientating and aroused in me a lasting interest in working with other people under what might normally be considered quite artificial restrictions."

During this period, Eno met a major influence in the artist Tom Phillips, who was one of the staff, and began to get interested in music via a chance encounter with John Cage's book Silence and the occasional visit to the school of avant-garde composer Cornelius Cardew.

Unable, as yet, to manipulate a conventional musical instrument, he started playing about with tape-recorders and, by 1965 - at which juncture he left Ipswich for Winchester Art School - he had amassed about 30 machines, of which only two were in full working order.

Winchester was a traditional institution and Eno found his newly-inspired experimentalism forced underground. The staff and most of the other students made no secret of finding him rather odd.

"I felt that art was more serious and important than they seemed to think. They regarded it as merely decorative - or there to make things a bit better or something. I thought there was much more to it, but I couldn't then put my finger on it.

"Also, there was my mother-in-law - a very bright woman, a logician into scientific method - who'd always say to me things like 'I can't understand why somebody with your mind is wasting his time doing this'. She was very cutting about it indeed.

"So I was forced into justifying my position and that started what has been a continuous train of thinking over the last ten years."

*From New Musical Express, November 26th, 1977
Here's the full article.

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Dostoyevsky's monk says:
"Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams."

Intolerable beauty

The band Radiohead always gives me good links to online photography.

A couple of years ago they alerted me to The Daily Nice, a simple page that provides a new, usually-interesting photo every day. It's been the default page on my web browser ever since.

Now they've directed me to the online portfolio of Chris Jordan, which I think is pretty remarkable, particularly his "Intolerable Beauty" series.

Recent top stories from the Onion's magazine rack






Two kinds of technology

Here's a nice distinction between two kinds of technology from Theodore Kaczynski's "Industrial Society and Its Future":

"We distinguish between two kinds of technology, which we will call small-scale technology and organization-dependent technology. Small-scale technology is technology that can be used by small-scale communities without outside assistance. Organization-dependent technology is technology that depends on large-scale social organization. We are aware of no significant cases of regression in small-scale technology. But organization-dependent technology DOES regress when the social organization on which it depends breaks down. Example: When the Roman Empire fell apart the Romans' small-scale technology survived because any clever village craftsman could build, for instance, a water wheel, any skilled smith could make steel by Roman methods, and so forth. But the Romans' organization-dependent technology DID regress. Their aqueducts fell into disrepair and were never rebuilt. Their techniques of road construction were lost. The Roman system of urban sanitation was forgotten, so that only until rather recent times did the sanitation of European cities equal that of Ancient Rome.

"The reason why technology has seemed always to progress is that, until perhaps a century or two before the Industrial Revolution, most technology was small-scale technology. But most of the technology developed since the Industrial Revolution is organization-dependent technology. Take the refrigerator for example. Without factory-made parts or the facilities of a post-industrial machine shop it would be virtually impossible for a handful of local craftsmen to build a refrigerator. If by some miracle they did succeed in building one it would be useless to them without a reliable source of electric power. So they would have to dam a stream and build a generator. Generators require large amounts of copper wire. Imagine trying to make that wire without modern machinery. And where would they get a gas suitable for refrigeration? It would be much easier to build an ice house or preserve food by drying or picking, as was done before the invention of the refrigerator."

Other good sections are the part where Kaczynski profiles leftists as "oversocialized" individuals and the part where he talks about the profusion of increasingly empty "surrogate activities" in an industrialized society in order to feed the natural human desire to accomplish meaningful work.

Today on the way to work my daily bus-time reveries were interrupted by the gentleman sitting next to me, who quietly and somewhat sheepishly brought to my attention the fact that I bear an uncanny resemblance to Sylar, a character on the hit NBC television series Heroes.

It was the second time a complete stranger on public transportation has informed me of this fact and the fourth time in five days that someone I've been introduced to has mentioned the resemblance.

I don't watch the show but apparently Sylar is an arch-villain who controls people and things with his brain. I suppose this association creates an unfortunate social hurdle for me, or an advantage, depending on the situation.

See what you think:
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D

Price tags

In the ideology of capitalism, the value and meaning of all things is understood by the dollar amount that the almighty market confers upon them. We may be queasy about evaluating the price of a human life in terms of money, but there is no doubt that this sort of evaluation can and is being done. It is, after all, the final frontier in a long history of capitalizations (or "privatizations") that include plots of land, song lyrics, certain plant seed cross-breeds, quantities of pollution, the lives of animals, the holy bible, and the one-click online shopping experience. And the color burgundy, as Robb discovered the other day while looking at the packaging of a bag of shredded cheese from the store--burgundy is trademarked as the "trade dress" of food manufacturer Sargento.

Granted that capitalism is a deeply rooted way of understanding the world that you and I most likely share (to one degree or another), it can be revealing to step completely inside of this value system for a moment in order to take a look at our values. Or, in other words, to put a mouth where our money is; a money-mouth that is capable of bluntly telling us what we care about: Tom Engelhardt compares the market value of an American life versus that of our fellow humans who happened to be born on other parts of the earth.

Whitecaps of white noise

Fitting that Canadian sound explorer Tim Hecker sculpts seven and a half minutes of almost completely undifferentiated fuzz into a track called "The Work of Art in an Age of Cultural Overproduction." Fitting because he realizes that one has to start dealing with the reality of life in a big, viscous glut of cultural junk.

Obviously the social condition of cultural obesity has something to do with the fact that the primary way that I, an individual here in the beating heart of the media empire, am able to come to terms with my own identity is to cross the coveted threshold from media consumer to media producer. To lay down some tracks, to shoot and edit a film, to write a book (my memoirs!), to be interviewed on some documentary, to put some dumb video of myself online.

But in what sense is it socially desirable to add my voice or your voice to the already deafening roar of cultural white noise? There are too many records. Too many films showing in too many theaters. Too much must-see video programming. Too many new releases, too many staff picks, too many best-sellers. Too many logos, too much smart design play, too many fonts, too many slick magazines, and way too many clever advertising concepts. Too many photos taken of ourselves and too many of our friends in interesting places and positions, too many attempts at interesting angles. Too much data accessible on too many PDAs at any time and any place. Too many people eating lunch alone, accompanied only by one of those wireless cell phone earpieces. Too many mp3s. Too many "relevant" churches posting too many sermon podcasts to be played back on too many video iPods. Too many blogs with too many posts. And too many sleek Apple laptops cranking out this blather.

Maybe in some way cultural production can still be valid, but I can't imagine any worthwhile piece of art that doesn't first respond to it's relationship to all of the other cultural, virtual, enticing, bite-size media bits trying to edge it out for a second of our attention. Which is why tediously slow washes of barely harmonic sound that demand at least an hour of listening time is about all the cultural product that I can keep down these days.

And I know that the right thing to do is to not get so easily seduced into the belief that I exist to propagate of my own "unique" perspective on the world via the free market apparatus.

But I do get so easily seduced. And I start to make things. And I start to recommend cultural product like the artists above or the video below as an antidote to an overload of cultural product. Why do I do it, the thing I don't want to do?

Here is a great video.

Cardinal Arinze & Co.

Here is an article I arrived at via a roundabout path starting at the blog of an acquaintance from last spring.

Summarizing his 2002 book, The Next Christendom, historian Philip Jenkins makes the sociological case that Christianity is headed for major crisis in the next few hundred years as the bulk of its constituency shifts from Europe and America towards the global south, where hierarchy and communal values are in order, homosexuality is clearly a sin, and Jesus' ministry is interpreted with an emphasis on healing and spiritual warfare.

And as a sidenote, thanks to the King County Library System, whose subscription to ProQuest has enabled me to share this and other articles of note with you. In other, less libraried quarters of the internet it could cost you $5 to read such an article.

Unfocused reflections on taking part in protest

Since I made a post a while back with some pre-emptory thoughts on this Christian Peace Witness for Iraq event that happened in the middle of March, I wanted to follow up with some retrospection.

And since Davis beat me to the topic with a prickly little rant about some protests in NYC that he read about last month, perhaps I can respond using his post as an entry point. He sums up well the persistent, tiring sense of disappointment that have underlaid my experience at both of the protests I've witnessed, one last September in which I was merely a man behind a camera, and this time as a participant. My immediate hesitancy to embrace these public marches has been certainly due to what Davis identifies as "theatricality," which is the right word for it. I think this is a direct result of reluctant acceptance on the part of protest organizers of the average American's "event reality" being highly mediated by, well, the media: If a tree falls on a mime in the forest, does it make a sound? Likewise, if 3,000 protesters march from the National Cathedral to the White House on a Friday night around midnight, if the president is at Camp David for the weekend and only a few hundred pedestrians witness the event and a handfull of newspapers carry the story--did it ever really happen? Well, in the awareness of most Americans, no, it never did.

So last September at the White House, there was a certain palpable tense expectancy on the part of the organizers... would Senator Jim McGovern actually show up and get arrested? Were lots of anti-war people going to gather from all over and turn this into a Big Deal that NBC couldn't ignore? Or would this party turn out to be for only 8 "independent news" cameras and the 15 endorsers of the document?

Apparently left at the mercy of the media, protesters attempt to creatively introduce various degrees of theatricality: Staging "die-ins" at senators' offices, pouring dyed blood into rivers, or some going so far as to collect their own blood and pour it on the interior of a military recruitment center. In the case of last September, a team of moderately well-known organization leaders marched up to the white house gates, claiming that they won't leave until President Bush meets with them and signs on to their troop-withdrawal terms. The anti-climax comes after 3 hours of sitting on the sidewalk singing old protest songs, when a bunch of police officers that have been standing around announce that everyone who doesn't leave right now is going to be arrested for creating a "safety hazard" by sitting on the sidewalk for too long. An edict which also happens to include one angry, party-crashing bystander on a soap box exposing her breasts with a sign reading "War Is Indecent."

Set against the immortalized drama of the 60s that those gingerly-sung songs reference--thousands of working-class leaving work to march for miles down the street singing spirituals while being provoked and attacked by police and heckled by crowds of pissed-off, status-quo-enforcing onlookers--it's quite a let-down. In fact, I think the prospect of marching against war with hundreds of old, earth-tone-clad, gentle liberals is exactly what drives all of those wild-n-crazy anarchist kids to gear up in militaristic black paraphernalia and strike out at cops whenever they organize enough to get out on the streets.

The reality of my experience with war protests is that the compromise (that utterly terrifying confrontation with The Mundane) that seems to inevitably result from any large-scale communal activity is something that an impatient idealist such as myself just has to get used to on some level. Of course, this is where I have to disagree with Davis, who writes off those NY die-in protesters as self-serving rebels without a cause. In fact, in my experience it's really hard to stay excited on rebellious sentiment when one is faced with almost completely uninterested/unphased audience. And the odd angry patriot shouting from a car. And finally the television-saturated pedestrian who is flabbergastedly documenting the event on a camera phone, startled, barely believing that he is witnessing something in person that one would usually see on television (hence the irresistible urge to commit the experience into a medium that will finally render it comprehensible).

On the contrary, I have a lot of respect for the tenacity of anyone who can hold on to their moral beliefs after glancing into the bored eyes of city-dweller after city-dweller, and finally a cop who can't wait for this technical exercise in zip-tie-ing limp bodies to be over... and then proceed do it again and again. Besides, most of the people I've seen get arrested are over the age of 50. Middle-finger-raisers? Not likely. Pietists? Perhaps, but then anyone who's acting out what they believe in is in danger of being a self-serving pietist. But for that matter, perhaps your average, apathetic couch-potato, watching the evening news and your latte-sipping i-banker, rushing off to work, could use just a trace of piety. I guess the attempt to rouse others from complete and utter apathy becomes the main goal of most contemporary protests in our neck of the woods.

Which brings me to March's Christian Witness for Peace event. Just about everyone I knew who went with me to D.C. had long-since worn through the enamor of their first glorious march. (We had to grit our teeth when someone quoted Martin Luther King Jr. saying that in order to be successful, nonviolent activists must exercise endless energy and creativity in their cause to effectively counter the ingrained momentum of years and years of belief in the redemptive value of violent force).

All that said, the worship service in the National Cathedral was one of the most moving services I've been to in quite a while, highlighted by beautiful music and a few wonderful speakers. It was encouraging to gather with several thousand other Christians, as Christians, to collectively mourn our government's careless, hasty militarism. As it has been pointed out before, the history of international military conflict is marked almost without exception by confident church endorsements on every side, so it's nice to see at least a small part of the American church developing a voice that is at least able call into question rote national allegiance. So while the march itself was more a simulation of civil disobedience than an effective tool for change, I chose to take the event for what it was--a symbolic gesture--and appreciate it for that.

Real galvanizing protest, such as what happened in the 60s around civil rights, takes a lot of built-up pressure as well as a widespread collective agreement, besides all of the top-down creativity. My own judgment about this messy situation in Iraq, along with that of many other people, would need to crystallize before we could all expect to see something both big and compelling enough to get the average American onto the streets. But judging by the conformity backlash we're currently experiencing, I'd say we've got some more time to sit and mull over our what it means to be an American, maybe 5 or 10 or 15 years and a few more catastrophes before a significant portion are ready to really freak out again. Until then, protest will probably continue to look like bland fringe activity to most of us.

But then again there's the small-scale dynamic stuff.

If you're interested, the following items represent the rather modest media footprint of the March event:
Some photos
Fox News 5 coverage (featuring a wildly-haired moment with Dimitri)
A compilation of all of the print coverage

Upbeat 1962 pre-assassination innocence

Here's an article by David Brooks called "The Organizational Kid" from 2001 that is worth a read. It's basically a profile of my generation as it faces the college and early career years. I would say that it resonates strongly with my own experience.

Iraq

I've been doing some reading as I consider my degree of involvement in the Christian Peace Witness for Iraq's March 16th demonstration in Washington, DC. Collected on their website are a number of statements on the war by various Christian denominations, many of whom will be represented at the upcoming event.

In my first bout of reading, one particular paragraph from a Presbyterian Church (USA) statement was of particular interest:

"Opposition to the projected action against Iraq was also expressed by a wide range of Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox leaders in the United States, as well as Pope John Paul II. From August 2002 until February 2003 religious leaders appealed to President Bush multiple times citing opposition to preemptive military action, a fear of destabilizing the region, concern for the erosion of support for combating terrorism, and a desire to work within the structure of the United Nations. Leaders of the National Council of Churches of Christ, representing thirty-six denominations, called for restraint and a halt to the 'rush to war.' The Moderator and Stated Clerk of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) were consistent voices in the call for restraint along with the leaders of the other so-called mainline churches. The appeals regularly asked for a meeting between the president or his national security advisor and leaders of the mainline churches. Requests for such meetings were rejected by the administration. (For an overview of the opposition that came from religious bodies are Peter Steinfels, "Deaf Ears on Iraq," The New York Times, September 28, 2002.)"

I was not aware of the degree to which many Christian leaders spoke out on this one--not necessarily against any and all war, but at least advocating for more care and restraint in making war. It is outrageous to me that an allegedly Christian President who regularly, publicly uses Christian rhetoric to support his causes and whose agenda in the Middle East is reportedly informed by particular Christian eschatological beliefs could conceive of rejecting the appeals of huge portions of his "mainline" religious constituency in America and abroad for something as simple and straightforward as a meeting. As Steinfels points out, other statements of similar concern (such as the statement undersigned by by over 100 Christian ethicists) were similarly discarded. A Christian President indeed.

So dark the con of Bush that he has won the hearts and undying allegiance of millions of devoted church-goers across the country, convincing them in the face of much opposition that he represents their interests and convictions. It speaks of a strange dissonance between the folks in the pews and their own pastors and denominations. And the bizarre efficency of the President's PR team. And maybe easily played-upon fears of "the other." Or it could just be people looking for quick answers ("It's pure evil we're fighting!") in the messy world of international relations.

Off World announcement!

I've been having a lot of mental lapses into absurdity as of late. Last week I was sitting in a car stopped in traffic on I-76, staring out the front window. You could say I was contemplating the skyline. That's when I was struck by the absurdity of billboards. It was the scale that got me first--realizing how enormous a billboard has to be in order to convey a roughly magazine-size readable image at a distance. Consider with me how much physical space has been utilized in order to colonize our fields of vision. It got me thinking about a Gnostic/Platonic mind-body split in which psychological space becomes much more valuable than physical space.

Great architectural constructions have always played on psychological space, but it seems to me that the meaning of that visual space was always a logical extension from the meaning of the actual physical structure: A palace or cathedral was much bigger than it needed to be in order to create in the viewer a sense of grandeur, which is a utilization (a sort of exaggeration) of physical space to make a psychological impression. But what about when a massive structure is erected exclusively to pass on a photograph or written message, completely severed from any physically useful purpose?

The strange dis-proportionality of it all illustrates a general disregard for the physical environment (as in most cities). More broadly, billboards point to a physical existence that is subjugated, discarded, dominated by the world of ideas. Yet another cyclical pattern of careless abuse and fragmented meaning, another competitive relationship enacted between worlds that were meant to be constructively integrated.

Or in the case that my reactions seem more ridiculous than the billboard itself, at the very least we can pause for a moment to think about the great expenditures of creative energy and capital invested into capturing little pieces of our mental space for a few seconds.

Fred Rogers

Today, as I do every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I took bus routes 60 and 23 to arrive at my job at Germantown high school. Despite the extreme cold, it was a beautiful afternoon. Between gazing out of the bus windows at the sharp, slanting, yellow afternoon light and being distracted by the bewildered ramblings and raspy, plaintive singing of a 250-pound retarded gentleman sitting a few seats away, I didn't get a whole lot of the usual reading done. However, one thing that I did discover from my book on Henri Nouwen is that he and Fred Rogers were good friends.

This evening I (naturally) turned to Wikipedia in order to read up on Fred Rogers. What follows are five excerpts from the article which I consider worthy of passing on:

1. "Rogers had a life-changing moment when he first saw television in his parents' home. He had planned to enter seminary after college, but had been diverted into television after his first experience as a viewer; he wanted to explore what the medium was capable of. 'I went into television because I hated it so. And I thought there was some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen.' ...Ultimately [after working for NBC in New York], while he did want to remain in children's television, Rogers decided that commercial television's reliance on advertisement and merchandising undermined its ability to educate or enrich young audiences, and quit NBC."

2. "In 1954, he began working at WQED, a Pittsburgh public television station, as a puppeteer on a local children's series, The Children's Corner. For the next seven years, he worked with host Josie Carey in unscripted live TV, and developed many of the puppets, characters and music used in his later work, such as King Friday XIII, and Curious X the Owl. Rogers first began wearing his famous sneakers when he found them to be quieter than his work shoes when he moved about behind the set... For eight years during this period, he would leave the WQED studios during his lunch breaks to study theology at the nearby Pittsburgh Theological Seminary."

3. About 2,700 people were present at his public memorial service in Pittsburgh, his hometown. "Outside, a number of members of an anti-gay organization protested over his teachings about tolerance and acceptance, while about 150 supporters of Mr. Rogers from gay rights and peace groups marched in counter-protest, singing songs from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood."

4. In an interview with TV Guide, Fred related the following anecdote: "[He] had been driving the same car for years, an old second-hand Impala. Then it was stolen from its parking spot near the WQED studio. Rogers filed a police report, the story was picked up by local news outlets, and general shock swept across town. Within 48 hours, the car was back in the spot where he left it, along with a note saying "If we'd known it was yours, we never would have taken it!"

5. "During the 1997 Daytime Emmys, the Lifetime Achievement Award was presented to Rogers. The following is an excerpt from Esquire Magazine's coverage of the gala, written by Tom Junod:

"Mister Rogers went onstage to accept the award — and there, in front of all the soap opera stars and talk show sinceratrons, in front of all the jutting man-tanned jaws and jutting saltwater bosoms, he made his small bow and said into the microphone, 'All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, one minute to think of the people who have helped you become who you are. One minute of silence.'

"And then he lifted his wrist, looked at the audience, looked at his watch, and said, 'I'll watch the time.' There was, at first, a small whoop from the crowd, a giddy, strangled hiccup of laughter, as people realized that he wasn't kidding, that Mister Rogers was not some convenient eunuch, but rather a man, an authority figure who actually expected them to do what he asked. And so they did. One second, two seconds, three seconds — and now the jaws clenched, and the bosoms heaved, and the mascara ran, and the tears fell upon the beglittered gathering like rain leaking down a crystal chandelier. And Mister Rogers finally looked up from his watch and said softly, 'May God be with you,' to all his vanquished children."

Read more about Fred Rogers (about his upbringing, his support of VCR technology and more) in the full Wikipedia article. And/or check out his Wikiquote page.

The feel of heavy items in my hands

For anyone familiar with the evangelical manhood-recovery blockbuster "Wild at Heart," allow me to pass on the link to a thoughtful critique of the book by Byron Borger that was likewise recommended to me earlier this week.

Kevin Kelly, provocateur

Kevin Kelly is a writer and senior brain at Wired magazine. I first came across him by reading his essay "Scan this book!" in one of Jeff Shafer's issues of New York Times Magazine that was sitting on the dining room table in 329 last spring. I was inspired to go back and look up this article after realizing that it had significantly implanted itself in a central part of my brain--I think I've referred to it in about 25 conversations since the time I read it.

In "Scan this book!", Kelly explores the meaning and ramifications of Google's ongoing project to digitize all books. Here is my html version of the article, which is really a travesty considering the (characteristically) beautiful layout and accompanying photography from the magazine version. It's probably worth searching out a physical copy at your local library. (It will be found in the May 2006 issue).

He's got other technology-related essays on his personal website and some shorter stuff on his blog.

Here is one such short piece that I will recommend: "The Rise and Fall of the Copy"

As they have done for me, his writings may very well force you to edge topics you may have formerly relegated to the category "irrelevant sci-fi inquiries" into your everyday perspective on the world.

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Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. says:
"Whom you would change you must first love, and they must know that you love them."

A feeling of existential dread

The most recent chapter in my ongoing Philip Glass infatuation, I just picked up the Fog of War soundtrack from the library. Nothing ground-breaking, just more of the same old quality Glass.

I thought I'd pass on the following note from Errol Morris, the film-maker, that is found in the liner notes:

"How do you write music for a story that encompasses the 20th Century...? A story that also combines elements of caprice and destiny. And at its center a story that asks whether war is inevitable, unavoidable, part of human nature. This is my third collaboration with Philip Glass, and I cannot think of who else could have written the music. I once told Philip that he creates a feeling of existential dread better than anyone else I knew of. And this is a movie filled with existential dread. I like to think of it as music for the apocalypse, where the apocalypse is not so much the end of the world but just more of what we've seen before, more of the same."

I am reminded of how good of a movie that was. A fantastic example of the impression that a truly artful documentary can make.

Conversion

Conversion means death. A person or thing loses all meaning and life in one frame of reference to be born new in an alternate universe. The former world still exists in all of its reality, but a passer-by in that world finds only a bluish corpse remaining where there was once a life.

Whereas the Word, Logos, might refer to either the spoken or the written word, in my little theological box it has only been known to refer to the written word, that is the word that has been canonized, frozen in time, the word subject to detached discussions about context and intent.

An oral tradition seems rather attractive right now; will that is still breathed into a word-y, practically useful existence but not yet butchered on the pages of a book; will converted into a more fluid, lively word.

Jean Vanier wrote from personal experience about the natural process of institutionalization that occurs in every wave of communal energy and excitement. Meaningful movements always come about in resistance to a current, dead order but they always end up institutionalizing: Expressionism. Punk. The Jesus People. Every counterculture. Every business that comes into success by effectively serving a group of people only to end up serving nothing but the bottom line.

The predictability of the emotional highs of Pentecostal worship sets off my internal inathenticty alarm. I can understand how many people are bothered by the fixed-ness and non-emotionally-dependency of more traditional liturgical forms, but institutionalizing communal energy and always-escalating cathartic releases seems like a bit of an oxymoron to me.

Why is my future will so resistant to my present will? Why do all my desires burn out so easily? Recording thoughts in a journal (or blog) becomes my vain, sometimes frantic attempt at rigor-mortisizing the present state of mind into something durable, something capable of exerting its force beyond the next hour.

Optimists always look for some degree of practical change in the process of institutionalization. Though it is sad to see the underground become overground, they always look for the transformation and evolution of the larger system. But it's hard for me to see. I'm not ready for the death of what exists now.

The Word is alive. Does it always have to die in order to become active?